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“We have a black one in our class.”
I stared, horrified, at my daughter as she gleefully announced this to a group of her friends. “Oh, don’t say that,” I began and then proceeded, with the delicacy of Bush’s invasion of Iraq, to educate my daughter on the whole PC issue. When I’d finished, she cocked her head to one side and muttered, “Mam, I’m just saying that we have a blackboard in our class.”
Her friends apparently have the cool new whiteboards.
I slunk away and began to wonder, not for the first time, if we’ve all got way too hung up on the whole PC issue. Where will it all end? The nursery rhyme, Ba Ba Black Sheep has been changed to Ba Ba Rainbow Sheep – and as far as I’m concerned, no one sees rainbow sheep unless they’ve indulged in a little too many of the now illegal magic mushrooms. Ba Ba non-Caucasian sheep would make a lot more sense. Is nothing sacred anymore? Now that our nursery rhymes have been defiled, what next? Soccer teams? Will Bohemians - nicknamed ‘The Gypsies’ - have to change to ‘The Travellers’? This would be ironic, as Bohs, due to their spectacularly poor performances of late, haven’t a hope of travelling anywhere to play in the near future. And what about the team named after our national Christian emblem? Surely that’s an insult to all our foreign residents. Shamrock Rovers would have to become Clover Rovers or something like that. As for St Pats and St Francis – well, they’d just have to find some inoffensive non-secular name. And if teams are bad over here – what about in Britain? Blackburn Rovers might just have to go the way of the Ba Ba Black Sheep rhyme. And as for Arsenal – not only is the first syllable a crude slang for an important and functional part of the body but the actual team name itself does nothing to help peace processes along. And the nickname – The Gunners – is even worse. Still Posterior-nal doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. Westham is pure offensive to all us vegetarians and as for the Jewish community in Britian – well, they’d definitely insist on a name that was a lot more kosher. How about West Tofu?
Chelsea is another even more horrendous example of bad PC. They call themselves The Pensioners. How discourteous to all the senior members of society. They’d definitely have to rename. Something along the lines of ‘Those Who Have Reached a Certain Age In Life?’ And yes, I know it’s long for a nickname but it’s not insulting anyone is it? And if Chelsea’s performances get any worse, they could always call themselves, “Those Who Have Outlived Their Usefulness.” Or is that wrong too? God – it’s so confusing.
The French have a team called – yes - Breast? Isn’t that insulting to feminists? And if they get away with naming a team ‘breast’ - where will it all end? This habit of naming teams after body parts has to be nipped in the bud. The French are just the sort to take advantage of being let away with something like that. Of course, with that last comment, I didn’t mean to insult the whole French nation – just the naming football team part of it. I’m very PC you see but at this stage it’s all getting a little complicated.
And should my daughter say blackboard or rainbow board?
Political Correctness? Isn’t it all a bit of sport!